Tips to break the cycle of negative self talk; most worries never come true!

Negative self-talk, that relentless inner critic, can severely undermine your confidence. Neuropsychologist and Pepperdine University professor Judy Ho emphasizes that most worries never come true, a fact supported by a 2019 Penn State University study. The study revealed that 91.4% of worries from participants with generalized anxiety disorder did not materialize. In her TED Talk, Ho explains how negative self-talk can sabotage your goals rather than motivate you.

To break free from this detrimental cycle, it’s crucial to identify your triggers and learn to distance yourself from anxiety-driven thoughts. Here are four tips to help you overcome negative self-talk:

1. Identify Your Triggers

Understand what situations prompt your negative self-talk. It could be work meetings or social events where you feel out of place. Judy Ho advises paying attention to these patterns.

“Notice where those patterns are, and what situations trigger you,” says Ho. “You’re going to start finding a theme.”

2. Question Your Thoughts

Once you identify your triggers, scrutinize the validity of your negative thoughts. Remember, not all your thoughts are true.

“There’s no way that you have tens of thousands of thoughts and that they’re all true,” Ho says.

Ask yourself for evidence supporting and contradicting your thoughts. Write these down in two columns. Often, you'll find more evidence against your anxieties.

“Evidence isn’t just more thoughts,” Ho explains. “Evidence is things that somebody else who was in the same room could actually observe.”

3. Use the ‘Yes... But...’ Technique

Balance your thoughts with this simple formula: “Yes, [acknowledge a negative], but [highlight a positive].”

For instance, if you’re worried about tomorrow’s workload and feel unproductive today, tell yourself, “Yes, I didn’t get as much done today as I’d like, but I did finish the top three items on my to-do list.”

4. Label Your Thoughts

Create distance from your negative thoughts by labeling them as such. Our brains tend to believe thoughts automatically, whether they’re projections of a catastrophic future or memories of past mistakes.

“When we think something, our brains are naturally inclined to believe that it’s automatically true,” Ho says. By labeling your thoughts, you acknowledge them without letting them define your reality.

“It changes the relation to the thought because you’re basically saying, ‘I’m just having the thought and it doesn’t have to be true,’” Ho adds. “It distances yourself from that thought instead of it automatically becoming part of your reality.”

Being critical of the stories you tell yourself can help you break the cycle of negativity and focus on achieving your goals. Embrace these strategies to foster a more positive and balanced inner dialogue.